Silence in the midst of chaos

My monkey of a mind is constantly filled with thoughts, plans, concepts, people, what ifs, what if nots and what next. At times it feels like I am consumed by everything crazy going on around me and I fail to appreciate the important aspects of life.

In a world filled with noise, only a few understand silence. I have recently learnt to shut off the world (this means everything and everyone) and embrace silence to recover and recharge. Silence to me is now more powerful than any words or actions. It simply means nothing can get to me. Nothing can pull me down.

Use silence wisely. Master it, and it will bring you peace. My journey has just begun…

“Silence isn’t empty. It’s full of answers.”

There is always something to be grateful for…

The warm feeling that overwhelms you.

That dose of positivity that resonates from within you with every heartbeat.

An unexplainable feeling that fuels inner strength and keeps your soul alive.

Something that tells you you’ve reached a dangerously high level of awesomeness.

How do you get there? A hard journey that’s worth every step.

Look at the good in everything….yes, everything. Even in the most darkest turn of events, there is something to be hopeful of. Something you can cling on to.
Appreciate everything. Start with the small stuff. Only then can you transition the sentiment to bigger achievements.
Practice mindfulness. Reflect on all the good in your life.
Resist the temptation of comparing yourself with other people. We all have our own journeys.
Appreciate what you have right now.
Apply an abundance mindset in your way of thinking – every action begins with the mind, after all.
Help other people and touch their lives meaningfully. There really is nothing more rewarding in this world than helping other people improve their lives.

“The more you are in a state of gratitude, the more you will attract things to be grateful for.”

“Try something different. Surrender.” – Rumi

Don’t delay the good deeds

I am guilty. Of not acting on my thoughts.

A year ago this young couple with a child and a very elderly and disabled father set up their iron shop opposite our house. It was interesting and at the same time sad watching the family conduct both their life and business under a tree with all the dust and traffic around. I admit they were loud and annoying at times. They treated the road as their kitchen, bathroom and resting place.

In particular, I was deeply saddened watching the elderly person who was clearly unwell live under such surroundings. He would simply sit still and quite for hours together. When he wanted to rest, he would throw the towel he carried on his shoulder to the ground and lie down. It was disturbing to watch him remain so still. Maybe he was blind. I don’t know.

In summer, when most of us reach for the AC remote the minute we reach home, this elderly person was out sitting still on the roadside at the same place every day under the scorching Chennai sun. Unable to watch him be that way, I used to selfishly close my balcony door.

One monsoon day when it started pouring quite suddenly, the kid and his parents took refuge under a branch while he simply sat still not knowing what to do. It was the first time I saw life in his eyes. And it was panic. I called him and asked him to come sit inside our watchman’s cabin. He did not understand. Then the little one grabbed his hand and led him into our compound. He was reluctant. It look a bit of coaxing to convince him. Although temporary, once he had a roof over his head, he looked much happier. It killed me to watch him there in his torn shirt and dirty dothi.

A few weeks before Diwali, I decided to buy new clothes for the entire family. A sari and shirt for the couple, T-shirt for the little one and most importantly a nice shirt and a new dothi for the elder. Diwali came and my thoughts remained as just thoughts. Work, travel and selfish expenses. I then vowed I will act on my thoughts during Christmas. Christmas too came and went — party, gifts and lavish spendings. New year, Pongal. Still the same. Just a fleeting thought around each festival. Regret. But not enough to act immediately.

Last week, the street was unusually quite — the hustle and bustle was missing. Three days ago the family was back. The couple and the child. The man had his head tonsured. Nothing struck me even then. I was so wrapped up in my world. Yesterday I came to know that the grandfather had fallen down, was injured and passed away.

My heart is filled with sadness and regret. Sad, because suffering of the young and old rips my heart apart. Regret, because of being selfish and wrapped up in my own world.

As I look under the tree, I continue to see him seated. Painfully still in his shabby clothes. His old, sad eyes. I am filled with guilt, more than I can imagine. Full of regret.

Greatest lesson learnt: You may delay, but time will not.

I will carry this in my heart forever.

06/06/2016 – A Date to Remember

5 decades ago, this day, an anxious family took a big step of shifting its base from a tiny village in rural Tamil Nadu to a big city, Chennai. An apprehensive, yet determined older brother willing to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders for his family, two teenage and pre-teen sisters, a much younger little brother and an elderly mother begun their journey 50 years ago. The life they led, the hardship they endured at every stage serves as a true lesson. The sacrifices the older brother had to make, now that he had assumed the role of a father figure was matchless. There were mouths to feed, clothes, shelter and most importantly, education to be provided. Each family member strived and gave their best. There were both tough and sunny days. What remained a constant was faith and hope for a better tomorrow. And a better tomorrow did come.

Today, we are thankful for that one brother, Mohan Raj’s bold decision to take the big step in the year 1966 and following it through. If not for him, each one of them would’ve been scattered in that little village like seeds that are aimlessly sown. We are grateful for the older sister, Jaya’s silent determination, the youngest one, Usha’s strength of mind to come up in life, the little brother, Ashok’s willingness to accept reality and above all, the mother, Gomathi ammal’s perseverance to instill strength of character in each of her children.

Determination. Perseverance. Hope. We salute you all!

From atheism to complete surrender – My Journey

Whether we believe in God or we don’t, our belief is something we have chosen.

Born and brought up in a religious family, I grew up as a confused teenager wanting to find objective truths through science. With unanswered questions I saw myself slowly turn into an atheist. A non-conformist who needed to blaze my own trail, find things out for myself. Part of it stemmed from how restrictive Hindu temples where, especially to women and how commercialized Hinduism had become. The hypocrisy disgusted me.

Then I entered a phase of – “I am not religious. I am spiritual”. Not wanting to be restricted by religion, I decided to reject it outright. I chose private reflection and private experience and nothing ritualistic and public. However, I wasn’t fully convinced. Something was missing. I did not feel complete.

My next stop was – “I don’t go to temples, God is within me”. This brought me a little closer to him but there was still this unexplainable void. The internal struggle continued.

And then, when I stood before him for quarter of a second after a 4 hour climb uphill, all I wanted was to fall at his feet and surrender. The same person who used to haughtily turn her head the other side realized her eyes overflowed with tears – they were tears of realization of having finally arrived. Now, I feel complete.

I pray in gratitude for this transformation. I finally found God. On my own terms.